Further nurturing of Anglo-American relations

12/10/2007 04:49:00 pm / The truth was spoken by Rich /

I'm a man of the world as you know and today I was able to use my skills to great effect. I'm laughing as I type this and spitting banana over my screen also. If you've seen the movie Airplane you'll have some idea how this went down. I'm specifically talking about the scene with the two African American dudes who ask for medication for a bad stomach, but the stewardess can't speak 'Jive'..I'm laughing out loud as I type now. So anyway..an old lady stands up and volunteers to translate as she speaks fluent jive. Oooh here this is it, in all it's PC glory:



So this basically happened to me. I speak Ebonics fluently and when an African-American in the co-op today went a lookin' for some and asked the poor dumb struck spotty teenager in his Co-op fleece where he should look, all he received was a blank stare and a 'what?' He repeated his question and once again received nothing but a wide mouthed frowning countenance from the shelf-stacker who'd probably never been as far as Oxford and so anything but a country bumpkin accent must have sounded like static electricity to him.

At this point I stepped in and informed the care-in-the-community monger what the guy was after and smiles all round he gave me directions to the appropriate isle and I translated. I was going to offer up a high five to the guy but I wasn't sure if they're still doing that in the ghettoes...on TV it all seems to be fists touching and weird hugs and stuff so I just smiled and sauntered off to where they keep the paracetamol.

A transcription of our conversation:

AA: uuhyallsillbarxesacandy, difrintkandsalltogitha

Monger: What?

AA: candimanyallsellthebigassboxesfordakeeds

Monger: (staring)

Me: Excuse me, he's after those variety boxes of chocolates. The boxes that have lots of different bars in them.

Monger: Oh I see, yes they're at the front by the wines.

Me: Yes they do, they're down there (pointing) by the wine.

AA: Oh thanks man.

Me: Welcome.

Monger: Sorry.

AA: No probl'm

Monger: Sorry I thought he was asking for the football scores.

Me: No he was asking for boxes of candy for his kids.

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